I am so tired of trying and nothing helps anymore

cherokeeBlonde
By cherokeeBlonde Latest Reply 2012-06-18 05:20:54 -0500
Started 2012-05-16 17:44:31 -0500

Hi I just need to talk about my recent issues with my health, lately the pressures in my heart and lungs are sky high, just had a right side heart cath done where it was left in for a day or so as they tweeked my medications trying to make me feel better. I have got to the point in life where nothing they do is really making much difference anymore im not giving up but I am so tired of going through so much when it does not really help yes I feel better for a couple days but than im back to feeling weak and cant breath I cant even go out side and go for short walks with my dog, so my little girl stays in the house with me and she looks so sad, and than I feel so bad and its not fair. its not fair to my man that I live with, it effects him to. I have always known that this heart of mine will kill me and well it seems that its getting closer every day. and it makes me ask my self is it worth it to go through all the procedures and the pain and changes they put me through when nothing makes a real difference anymore. than my friends they say oh michele you are strongest person they know and when I tell them that im tired of bieng strong and i dont feel as if I can do it anymore they just blow me off. so here I am again on increased doses of meds, and trying to eat healthy which im not to great at cuz I dont really have a clue about what is good what is low sodium could really use some help in that I need to go to the grocery store and buy some food which I can prepare anything, I just dont know the foods to buy so please any help with my shopping list would be great. I am so black in blue right now from the cath first they were only going to go through my neck , but than since my heart in not normal in the fact that i have transpositon of great vessels never repaired they had a hard time trying to get in the right atrium to get the pressures so than they went through the groin so needless to say not only am i sore I am also black and blue and they still only were able to get some pressure readings. and that is why I ask is it worth it to keep trying when its not really working sorry to unload but I have no one to talk to really that comes close to understanding how I feel thanks for listening michele


15 replies

kat28
kat28 2012-06-07 03:51:29 -0500 Report

First- I am so sorry about ur isue- I have a heart problem and I know how u feel… u should look at he possible stuff. Yes its not far to the man u are with but just remember ur man knew what he was getting into after u too meet and become close and wanted to start a life with u. He takes the bad and the good.

tankmom
tankmom 2012-05-24 23:03:08 -0500 Report

Michelle, I hurt for you, hon. You sound like you are a fighter though and if I were you I would get another team of doctors. Let your doctors know you are just not happy with what they are doing or NOT DOING and you NEED action take NOW. Stand up for yourself girl, and get fighting. You have your daughter and friends to think about here too. Stay strong and I will be thinking and praying for you. I have to go to bed now, my prayer list is getting so long, I might be finished by morning. I can sleep while my husband drives tomorrow. Smile, be happy, but most of all take control. Good luck.

Camde
Camde 2012-06-01 10:29:08 -0500 Report

My husband is in heart failure, find you a team of knowledgable Cardiologists that knows new tech on the heart issues, talk with them about your sodium on how much you are allowed daily, when shopping read the labels to see how much sodium is in the item per serving, keep a record of how much you had, it can be a little hard at first but it gets easier, we watch our sodium and sugars. We have a great team of doctors from family practice to heart. Hope this help with shopping and preparing foods.

HeartHawk
HeartHawk 2012-05-26 00:34:03 -0500 Report

Michele,

Tankmom makes a lot of sense. Take it slow and with as small as steps as you can muster. The key is not how fast you move. It is simply that you DO move!

HH

HeartHawk
HeartHawk 2012-05-16 23:20:40 -0500 Report

Michele:

Man, that sucks! But what do we do? You probably saw this but it bears repeat viewing this video as I just did.

http://www.heartconnect.com/videos/73-i-love-living-life-i-am-happy

My problems are not as bad as yours and, well, I wonder if any of us have faced what this guy has and yet can still say, "I am happy!"

My advice is the same as always. I have always been strong too andboth joked and lamented that I will never have a nervous breakdown so I can just give up - even for just a little while. The worst part is being so driven even the successes don't ever seem enough.

The bottom-line is, like the guy in the video, it is all relative and a matter of attitude. It is a funny thing. One of my sisters recently remarked that she felt inadequate because she thought she did not measure up to me! She was amazed when I told her all the times I failed and the time I spend dwelling on those failures instead of enjoying the very successes she envied.

Here is the formula that I wish I followed. First, it is OK to fail, to feel sorry for yourself, to jump in hole and hide for while. Second, the trick is to never stay there, to get back up again. Third, success and happiness are relative. Keep goals small but incremental. Fourth, there will be setbacks - see step2!

Finally, don't be afraid to lean or to grab on to someone when you feel you are falling. That's what this community is built for! Let it all hang out and know you are not alone. it so cliche but all you can do is to try your best and take your satisfaction from the effort, the trying. I have found that the result is often random, unpredictable, unreliable and the unending trying is all that really separates losers from winners.

HH

cherokeeBlonde
cherokeeBlonde 2012-05-17 15:03:04 -0500 Report

Thanks you do always help my attitude. and this morning when me and manuel my other half were watching tv he was gazing off so I asked him what he was thinking about and he says me, and tears ran down his face, he says he hates that I say im tired and he thinks im giving up. and yes I do so want to at times but its not iin me to give up. guess I just want to run away sometimes and not hurt anymore. but seeing him with tears broke my heart. I wont give up I just need a vacation from me. sounds crazy I know. but I am so thankful that you and this community are here. cuz cant really talk about any of this to no one. thanks again Michele

HeartHawk
HeartHawk 2012-05-17 23:57:56 -0500 Report

Michele:

Heh, you hit the nail on the head. You get it! We constantly get pounded. We fight back only to get pounded some more. Then what? It ain't fair. It sucks - no - it pukes rotted raccoon carcasses! Hell, I got no good answers except to scream, suck it up, and move on.

Yes, take that vacation anyway you can. Sometimes I lay a towel on the bathroom floor, turn on a blow dryer, and pretend I am laying on a beach with a warm breeze blowing on me. No lie! I do this a lot. It is my 20 minute vacation.

Regarding your diet questions, I forgot to mention that after reviewing all your symptoms and conditions I would negligent if I did not suggest you consider eliminating wheat from your diet. Dr. William R. Davis (a cardiologist) just wrote a book called "Wheat Belly" that details all the horrendous stuff wheat can do to you and all the miraculous cures he has seen. He has a free blog where you can learn more at

http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/

Heck, it is worth looking at. It doesn't work for everyone but it is damn spooky when it does work!

HH

cherokeeBlonde
cherokeeBlonde 2012-05-20 11:13:04 -0500 Report

hello, well as you all know that I just had a heart cath done which I have so many I can not remember. anyhow in my neck where they went in for the cath, I have a small lump its a bit smaller than a marble and its not hard more like squeasy, anyhow I live about 2 hours from town, of course I do have a membership in california air ambulance and we do have a landing pad on the property. but I hate the emergency room, and I am also a bit scared to move alot, im thinking it may be a blood clot, and the last thing I want is for it to break loose, and than im dead or have a stroke which I have had years ago. tried getting in touch with my doctor with no luck not really sure what to any suggestions. and I am on coumadin also yea my life gets more adventureous every day and yes I am happy and i am not giving up but what do I do when I dont know what to do which is actually rare for me not to know what to do. ok any advice would be awesome
thanks Michele

HeartHawk
HeartHawk 2012-05-22 01:31:36 -0500 Report

Michele:

It could be a blood clot but it could be many other things including a blood clot OUTSIDE of your artery (it doesn't seem to be moving). You do not need to get YOUR doctor, just get ANY doctor to assess whether it is serious enough to warrant an emergency room visit. Even if I were a doc I could not practice over web so you are going to have to find a someone to assess you. you might also try to getting in touch with a physicians assistant.

HH

cherokeeBlonde
cherokeeBlonde 2012-05-22 04:29:46 -0500 Report

Hi heart hawk
I got a hold of my doctor going to stop in tomorrow to let her look at it, but it seems to be going away. So not so worried now . I asked my doctor the or question she can't really answer and that was how much time does she think my heart will keep on going. Since it seems nothing is helping . And she said she could not give a time frame only thing she said was that she still wants to make more adjustments to my meds and that she is hoping that at least a few more years. Now got to say I asked and she answered and my first reaction was to cry which I did for hours, and what went through my mind the most was that the thought of not bieng with Manuel, (my ol,man ) everyday is what I was fearing this man has brought more joy and happiness to my life , that leaving him is what I am fearing and what it will do to him. Anyhow after crying most of last night and little today

HeartHawk
HeartHawk 2012-05-23 01:30:43 -0500 Report

Michele:

Nobody knows for certain what will happen. One of my favorite sayings is, "Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans!" So many people waste time thinking they have forever. Any of us could be gone tomorrow no matter what our health is. All any of us can do is make the most of each day.

But, they also say God helps those who help themselves. Look for new health options. Perhaps there are underlying conditons that drive your symptoms. Could it be wheat? Could it be toxic heavy metals? I was quite surprised to find I had potentially toxic levels of lead and mercury in my body recently and have begun a second round of treatment as the first round only rid my body of half of it.

Traditional medicine only goes so far. When it fails us we have to look everywhere else. And don't be afraid to cry. We were built to use it to release our stress. But, as you said, when you are are done hte strength to be strong and perservere kick in. Keep in touch. Your life and story are so very compelling they touch us all! For every one person who tells their story there are 100 more to afraid to share who benefit from yours!

HH

Judy560
Judy560 2012-06-17 14:15:49 -0500 Report

Hearthawk and Michelle I was having problems this year didn't think much of it till my primary Dr at VA was trying to contact me. There are so many diets we can be on that I forgot potassium. Silly me went to VA emergency room and they filled me up with potassium. Doing so much better now.I felt the same way Michelle was feeling but I never give up I strive for perfection every time. So I googled potassium and found foods that help maintain the normal level of it. I'm doing alot better now. I've lost 13 pounds and feel healthier. You gotta talk to the clouds tell them your plans and move on with life. Don't let little things bother you so much. Your heart knows you and and will do it's best to keep you alive. Don't be afraid to ask questions because the only way to find out is by asking questions. Also stay with this group and we all will try to help you through your struggle. When I found this group of great people I started feeling more normal then ever before. Because they have all been through alot with their heart problems and we all understand where everyone is coming from.

cherokeeBlonde
cherokeeBlonde 2012-06-18 05:20:54 -0500 Report

Hi Judy thank you you know after all I go through and have gone through since birth after going on 48 years now there are times when I get so frustrated and just r
Tired that I tend to vent but.ease know I never give up. I get scared and I get tired of always having to be strong and not show my fears to the ones around me that yes I have days that I just want to be normal but as we know that is not ever going. Happen. And dys when I just want to run away from me and take a vacation