Like "So you can feel when your pacemaker kicks in to take over. But then I think I am understanding that your heart does not beat your pacemaker does the whole job and if it weren't for the pacemaker you would not be alive. Wow! And you have been at this since you have been 2? May I ask how old you are? Do you work? I was laid off this past June I was a secretary in an accounting office. Then the last week of Aug I was diagnosed with this dilated cardio myopathy and 20% of my heart pumping and that 20% not pumping correctly. They are saying idoschemic cardiomyopathy but what I have is what was written across my mother's death certificate in 2008 when we buried her at 75. I see myself in my mom with this and then I also have carpal tunnel in both hands I am doing physical therapy for it but it is not doing much good. They say I am too high risk for surgery due to my heart. My hands don't hurt they are just numb a lot. They say reptative motion like typing, crocheting, and knitting all of which I enjoy and are my hobbies are bad for it. I have a deviated septum and a dropped bladder and can't do the stupid surgery because I am too high risk. I am going to call and ask new cardiologist Mon too push my appt up. I don't want to wait till Feb to find out when and how much I can walk on my treadmill without this thing shocking me. I would love to go back to work I hate sitting. I need to be busy. But they say listen to my body and when I am tired then sleep. It is weird because when I am tired I have to do just that almost immediately it is hard to fight the tiredness. I don't like it because I feel I waste the big part of my day. Sorry don't mean to complain. This is all too new to me it started the end of Aug and a lot to wrap my mind around. I sleep during the day and then sometimes it is hard to sleep at night. Well better get to bed. So I can get up in the morning and take my son to practice driving for his permit. At first he was so gun ho and now is scares the pants off him. lol Can you see me shaking my head. Thinking of driving to grandma's if the weather is fit. lol You have a good night it has been great chatting with you. "